


Not Afraid

by bluesxrgent



Series: tumblr prompts [3]
Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Love, M/M, Support, soft boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 19:09:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19179601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluesxrgent/pseuds/bluesxrgent
Summary: Tumblr prompt: Are you working on any other Elu fanfic? I also have a prompt for you could you do one where Eliott is about to start Uni and he’s very nervous because Lucas won’t be there but Lucas calms him down before heading to school himself 🤷🏻♀️





	Not Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> i needed soft supportive bfs to fill the void in my heart and this was the result 
> 
> hope y'all enjoy <3

Lucas was worried. Eliott hadn’t said much to him recently about how he was feeling, which normally meant that he was feeling good, but the bags around his eyes had deepened and Lucas had awoken more than once to find Eliott sitting awake beside him as if in a daze. He knew that not everything meant Eliott was going to have an episode, but he always worried that what if, this time, it did and he wasn’t prepared.

The summer had gone by in a wistful, beautiful haze, and Lucas wouldn’t take back a single moment, even the small petty fights and the days so hot neither Lucas nor Eliott could do much more than lie beneath a fan, complaining about the heat every ten seconds as if that might help it disappear. 

Everything had been absolutely perfect, which was why everything now seemed so tense. There was only about a week left before Eliott started university, and Lucas didn’t want to waste a moment of it. He sat alone in Eliott’s apartment, waiting for his boyfriend to come back from the store. He’d promised Lucas dinner, though, even after months of dating, Lucas was still wary of Eliott’s cooking.

As if his thoughts had summoned him, Eliott walked into the apartment, bags dangling from his hands as he struggled to remove his keys from the door. Lucas laughed and went over to help him, relieving him of some of the groceries. 

“What on Earth are you planning on making?” Lucas asked warily. 

Eliott leaned down to kiss Lucas on the forehead before he took his shoes off and moved towards the kitchen. “It’s a surprise.”

Lucas put the bags on the counter and studied Eliott as he started gathering ingredients and laying them out. His hair was all over the place, but that was normal. In fact, it looked so good that Lucas wanted to tell him to forget dinner and spend the rest of the night in the bedroom. But alas, he wouldn’t do that, because Eliott was smiling, and when Eliott smiled the entire world smiled with him. 

“How was the store?” Lucas asked, hopping up onto the counter. He didn’t ask what he wanted to, which was  _ how are you doing? Is everything ok, or do you feel different than you usually do? Is there anything I can do for you? _ He still didn’t know the right questions to ask, so he generally settled for simpler ones.

“Good,” Eliott answered simply, still smiling idly. He began chopping some vegetables and Lucas peered around him to try to glean what that night’s meal would be. Eliott looked over his shoulder and met Lucas’ guilty stare with raised eyebrows. “Looking for something?”

“Please just tell me what you’re making,” Lucas whined, pouting his bottom lip, “I need to know how to prepare my stomach.”

Eliott ducked his head into a grin and turned back to the food. “Ha, ha.”

Lucas hopped off the counter and sighed dramatically. “I’m going to shower, then.”

“Without me?” Eliott called after him and Lucas couldn’t help but smile. If he hadn’t really needed a shower, he might have waited a bit to make good on Eliott’s offer. There was always tomorrow, he supposed. 

By the time he finished and changed into a pair of Eliott’s sweatpants and one of his hoodies as well, just for good measure, he emerged back into the kitchen, startling at the sight of what looked like completely edible food. Lucas wasn’t entirely sure  _ what _ it was, but it smelled good, which was promising. 

Eliott noticed him in the doorway and smiled, handing him a plate. It was a tradition of theirs that, when one of them made dinner in a manner that would usually require some air of formality, they ate in casual, unconventional places, and when they made instant noodles or sandwiches, they set the table all nice and ate as if it was the finest cuisine in the world. That night, they decided to eat on the floor in Eliott’s room, backs up against his bed. 

“This isn’t terrible,” Lucas said in shock, taking a bite of Eliott’s masterpiece. Eliott nudged him with an elbow, looking offended. 

“Thanks?” 

“No,” Lucas giggled, backtracking, “I mean it’s better than I thought it would be. Pardon me for not having the highest expectations for your cooking, Mr. Poni.”

Eliott groaned. “Are we really never letting that one go?”

“Nope.”

“I still think you overreacted.”

“Impossible.”

“Hmm.”

“Hmm.” Lucas giggled again, looking into Eliott’s eyes and wiggling his eyebrows. They ate in companionable silence a moment before Eliott spoke again, looking down to his plate.

“I think I might withdraw from university,” he said conversationally. Lucas stopped with his fork inches from his mouth. Maybe he had misheard. 

“What?” he asked. 

Eliott looked back up at him and repeated, “I think I’m going to withdraw from university.”

“But… you haven’t gone yet,” Lucas said, not understanding where this was coming from. Was this the reason Eliott had been distant lately?

“I know,” Eliott said quietly, “I just… I don’t think I can do it.”

Lucas set his plate down and turned so he was facing Eliott, furrowing his brows in confusion. “Why not?” 

“I failed high school, Lucas, what about that makes me capable of attending and succeeding at university?” 

Lucas knew that Eliott had insecurities that ran deep, sometimes deeper than Lucas’ own, but Lucas hadn’t known that this was one of Eliott’s concerns. “You didn’t fail, there were extenuating circumstances.”

“And there aren’t going to be while I’m at university? There aren’t going to be for the rest of my life? I can’t do it, Lucas, not on my own.” Eliott’s voice sounded broken, resigned. It was so far off from the soft and melodic rhythm it had carried only an hour before. 

“Hey.” Lucas clasped Eliott’s hands in his, bringing them up to his chest. “You have  _ me _ . I’ll be here to make sure everything will be ok even when it feels like it never will be again. The good, the bad, the ugly, I’ll be here for it all. I told you that you aren’t alone and I meant it. You are not alone in anything, ever.”

Eliott withdrew his hands, drawing his knees up to his chest and clenching his hands into fists. “I know that, but I can’t always depend on you for everything. I know you’re here, but you won’t be  _ there _ with me. You won’t be there in the classes that I won’t be good enough or smart enough for, you won’t be there when the pressure gets to me and I snap. You might miss some warning signs, signs that I’ll either feel too good or too bad to care about, and I’ll end up fucking everything up all over again.”

Lucas opened his mouth to speak but Eliott cut him off. “I know what you’re going to say, and I don’t want you to. It’s not your job to anticipate when I might have an episode, or to watch over me like a child, and I don’t want it to be. I’m saying that you’ll miss these things because it’s human. They’re easy to miss, especially when we still haven’t even known each other for a year. Everything you do will be thoughtful and genuine and perfect, but sometimes it won’t be enough, and that’s not your fault. I don’t ever want you thinking you’re doing anything wrong because you’re not. I promise I’ll tell you if you ever  _ are _ , but I don’t see that happening.”

Eliott smiled a little, releasing his fists and wiggling his fingers a bit. “There are things I have to do on my own, and university is one of them, but I don’t think I can. I don’t think I’m strong enough.”

“Oh no,” Lucas said with a gasp, causing Eliott’s head to shoot up in surprise. Lucas put his face into his hands and shook his head. “I can’t believe it. I’ve found the man of my dreams, but it turns out he’s a complete idiot.”

He peeked his head up and met Eliott’s eyes, noting the way his boyfriend was biting his lip to keep from smiling. Bolstered by this, he continued, “Because only an absolute  _ idiot _ would be blind to the fact that Eliott Demaury is one of the strongest people I know.”

“I thought that was Imane,” Eliott interjected, but Lucas wouldn’t let himself be derailed. 

“I said  _ one of _ . Obviously Imane is number one, but you’re a close second.” Eliott huffed out a small laugh and Lucas took this as a go ahead to continue. “We said minute by minute, right? That doesn’t just apply to us, it applies to everything in our lives. I followed this principle  _ very _ carefully earlier in the year when Manon was blaming me for bringing Charles back and I thought Idriss was homophobic and the bac was stressing me out to the max. You can do the same with your life at university, all the times I’m not there to remind you of how great you are.”

“I don’t know…”

“Hey.” Lucas shoved his plate aside, moving closer to cup Eliott’s face with his hands. “ _ Hey. _ When have either of us ever known anything? Just because you don’t know, doesn’t mean what you don’t know will be bad. I had no idea what would happen if I acted on my feelings for you, and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.”

Eliott blinked and laughed softly. “That’s a bold statement.”

Lucas could tell his statement made Eliott feel insecure because this was something Eliott always did when he was insecure. He made light of the compliments Lucas gave him or made a joke when Lucas was being completely serious. 

“It’s a true statement,” Lucas said as genuinely as he possibly could. Eliott leaned into his touch a bit, softening to Lucas’ words. 

“I know,” Eliott said after a moment, “That’s what scares me.”

Lucas brushed his cheekbone, pressing their foreheads together. Eliott continued, “What if it stops being the best decision you ever made? I know you’re just going to say ‘minute by minute’, but even you have limits. I’m afraid of what might happen to us, what I might do or say.”

“I’m not afraid,” Lucas murmured, closing his eyes as Eliott took his hands from his face and clasped them in his own. 

“Not afraid?” Eliott’s voice was hesitant, so unlike the first time he’d asked Lucas the same question. 

“Not afraid.” Lucas’ voice was confident, lacking all of the anxiety he’d felt when he first answered Eliott’s question. He opened his eyes to find Eliott staring at him, expressions of unease and adoration mingling across his features. 

“Then I’m not afraid either. Or, at least, I’ll try not to be.” Eliott swallowed, and Lucas watched his throat bob as he did so, feeling the slight tension Eliott was still carrying. “And what about university?”

“What about it?”

“Do you really think I can…” Eliott trailed off, pulling his head away. He almost looked ashamed of what he’d been trying to say.  _ Do you really think I can do it? _ Of course Lucas did, and he knew Eliott knew he thought so, but that he just couldn’t help himself from asking. 

Lucas knew he didn’t have to answer, but he did anyway. “I really think you can. Would I say that if I thought I was wrong? Trust me, there is nothing I like more than being right, so I would never lie to you about that, or anything.”

“Nothing you like more than being right?” The light was back in Eliott’s eyes as he moved back in closer to Lucas. “No one?” 

Lucas looped his arms around Eliott’s neck and tilted his head thoughtfully. “Ok, maybe there is one person I like more than being right?”

Their noses brushed together, and Eliott was smiling sincerely. “Mm? Is that so? Anyone I know?”

Lucas answered by closing the distance between them, lips brushing softly at first before pulling away, coming back together with a desperate sort of hunger. Eliott’s hands were on Lucas’ face now, right where they belonged, and their teeth kept clashing from where they were both too busy smiling to kiss properly. Their food laid forgotten on the floor as they moved onto the bed, still kissing stupidly, gently, and madly in love. 

Later, when Lucas was curled into Eliott’s arms, face pressing gently into his chest, Eliott spoke softly. “So I’m the man of your dreams, huh?”

Lucas froze in alarm, tipping his head up cautiously, trying to gauge Eliott’s expression. Humor lit his eyes from the inside out, and the hand he was trailing idly through Lucas’ hari continued to do so as if he hadn’t said a word at all. When their eyes met Eliott’s lips ticked up into a small smile, the only motivation Lucas needed to throw his arms back around Eliott and pull him closer.

Lucas grinned at the man of his dreams. “Oh, shut up.” 

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on tumblr @ livvyblxckthxrn


End file.
